Understanding Pain: A Journey Through Body, Mind, and Heart

Living With Chronic Pain

Living with chronic pain can feel like being trapped inside a body that isn’t yours. The pain itself can be excruciating. The feeling of being unable to escape or avoid it can be just as unbearable. You may have more questions than answers about why the pain exists. Alternatively, you may know exactly why it occurs, but that doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Whatever the source of your pain, it’s completely understandable to feel exhausted, frustrated, or even betrayed by your own body.

The Emotional Toll of Chronic Pain

Chronic pain doesn't just affect the body; it also takes a toll on your emotional well-being. The constant discomfort can lead to feelings of isolation and despair. You may feel like no one truly understands what you are going through. This emotional burden can sometimes be heavier than the physical pain itself.

It's essential to acknowledge these feelings. They are valid and deserve attention. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can make a significant difference in how you cope with both the physical and emotional aspects of pain.

Is My Pain Psychosomatic?

When there is no clear medical or physical cause for your pain, you may be told that your pain is “psychosomatic” or even “all in your head.” Such statements can leave you feeling dismissed and shamed, as if you could just “think the pain away” and be cured. Many who experience chronic pain also find that their pain is not taken seriously, or not believed at all. This only adds insult to injury.

Women, in particular, have faced this issue for decades. Very real, and often debilitating conditions have been dismissed as “women’s issues” or written off as overreactions, emotional instability, or sensitivity.

And yet, you know your own body. Even if you doubt yourself at times (and no wonder, especially if you’ve experienced medical gaslighting), you know that something isn’t right. The pain you’re feeling is very real.

Is Pain Just Physical?

Pain is often seen as purely physical: something that happens in your body; your muscles, nerves, or organs. While that’s absolutely true, it's only part of the story. Stress, trauma, and emotional overwhelm can significantly influence how we experience pain. This is where the term psychosomatic comes in, though it’s often misused or misunderstood. At its root, it simply means that the body (soma) and mind (psyche) are connected; our physical experiences and our mental experiences are linked.

We live in a society that has separated the body from the mind. However, the reality is that our emotional and physical experiences are intertwined. Your mind and body are in constant, subconscious communication, interacting in many complicated and layered ways.

So where does that leave you? You may have tried many different approaches already and still find nothing helps. It makes sense if there are parts of you that feel hopeless or like trying anything is pointless. Yet, if you’re reading this, there is probably a part of you that is still looking for some relief.

That’s where Internal Family Systems (IFS) may be able to offer you something different.

What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) and How Can It Help With Chronic Pain?

Internal Family Systems is a gentle, non-pathologising approach that views the mind as made up of different “parts.” Some of these parts may carry pain (emotional and/or physical), some try to manage it or stop the pain from being felt, and some try to protect you from feeling overwhelmed by the pain, or even feeling it in the first place. You can read more about the basics of the IFS model here.

When it comes to chronic or recurring pain, you may recognise:

• A part that criticises you or pushes you to keep going, even when you’re hurting.

• A part that is anxious about the pain starting, or how bad it might get.

• A part that feels guilty for cancelling plans or not being able to “keep up.”

• A part that feels grief for the life you used to have, or for what it wishes you could have now.

• A part that feels angry, resentful, or betrayed by your own body.

  
  

Sometimes, pain can be your body’s attempt at getting your attention. What may begin as a whisper (a little niggle here and there) can become louder over time if left unaddressed. Pain can worsen as a part of you desperately tries to communicate something important or to get a need met. In my experience, the need can often be for more rest or for an emotional experience to be addressed. However, it can be many different things, and the only way to find out is to explore it directly by getting to know the parts involved.

IFS is a gentle way to get to know these parts, rather than pushing them away. It can help you understand them, care for them, and try to find ways to give them what they really need. It also helps you connect with what IFS calls the Self, the calm, curious, compassionate energy we all have inside.

How IFS Can Help You Navigate Pain

IFS doesn’t promise to make the pain disappear or cure you of a chronic condition (and I’d always be wary of anything that makes promises like that!). However, it can offer you:

• A way to meet pain with curiosity instead of fear.

• Practical tools to help the parts of you that are activated by pain.

• Space to witness and soothe the emotional impact of living with pain.

• A more compassionate relationship with your body.

• More spaciousness and ease around pain, even if it doesn’t disappear completely.

  
  

In my work with women navigating everything from menstrual cramps to repetitive injuries, migraines, and unexplained chronic pain, I’ve seen how powerful this work can be. It’s not about ignoring or denying the medical and physical reality, but about adding support that is so needed. In some cases, it absolutely does make a difference to pain levels, duration, or frequency—offering real, tangible relief and change.

IFS Journaling Prompts to Explore Your Experience of Pain

If you’d like to begin exploring your relationship with pain and the parts of you involved, journaling can be a great first step.

If you can, set aside some time and space where you won’t be disturbed. Perhaps light a candle or take a few deep breaths to help you settle into the space.

When you’re ready, take a moment to tune into your body and see what you notice. You might be aware of pain or other sensations, or you may notice parts that want to avoid, distract, or numb you.

You can use the following as prompts:

• When I bring awareness to my body today, I notice…

• If my pain had a voice, what might it be trying to say?

• Which parts of me struggle the most with this pain, and what do they want me to know?

• What thoughts or beliefs are parts of me holding about this?

• What might these parts need from me right now?

• What would it feel like to meet these parts with compassion and care, even for just a moment?

  
  

I hope this blog may be a gentle reminder to treat your body and mind with as much tenderness as you can and to find new ways to listen to what your body may be communicating with you.

Take good care,

Sophie x