So, you’ve heard about Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and you’re thinking about giving it a go, or maybe you've already begun. That’s great! Some parts of you might be feeling excited or hopeful, eager to get started. But then, there may be other parts— hesitant, skeptical, or maybe even fearful parts—that aren’t so sure. I’ll refer to these concerned parts as ‘gatekeepers’, but you can call them whatever feels right to you. Today, we’re going to explore these gatekeepers, why they exist, and how you can start working with them to build trust within your system.
Meet the Gatekeepers
The Cynic
A common gatekeeper is the Cynic. This part of you might roll its eyes at the idea of therapy, thinking things like, “Therapists are paid to listen. They don't really care,” or “This sounds like a load of rubbish!” The Cynic isn’t here to sabotage you—it's here to protect you from disappointment by keeping your expectations low. In some ways, it’s helping you avoid getting your hopes up and being let down.
This part asks the hard questions. It challenges you to gather evidence and ensures you're making safe and informed decisions. This can be incredibly helpful when approached with curiosity rather than frustration.
The Thinker
The Thinker part loves to analyse everything. This part might say, “How does this process even work?” or “I need to understand everything before I can move forward.” The Thinker wants to protect you from uncertainty by keeping everything logical and structured. It often uses reasoning and analysis to avoid diving into emotions that may feel overwhelming or unfamiliar.
While the Thinker can sometimes delay progress by overanalysing, it also ensures that you fully understand the process and feel safe before moving ahead.
The Self-Conscious
The Self-Conscious part worries about what others (including your therapist) might think. It might wonder, “What if I sound ridiculous?” or “What if they judge me for sharing this?” Therapy, especially one as introspective as IFS, can feel very vulnerable. The Self-Conscious part wants to protect you from the sting of rejection or embarrassment.
This part is usually trying to ensure that you're accepted and understood, and it can be a great ally when it comes to building trust in the therapeutic relationship, as it is often the one who will check to make sure that your therapist truly is non-judgemental!
The Fearful
Then there’s the Fearful part. This part might worry, “What if therapy opens up painful memories I’m not ready to face?” It’s cautious, guarding you against potential emotional overwhelm. This part fears that by delving too deep, you’ll uncover something too painful to handle.
The Fearful part is vital in protecting you from rushing into intense emotions too quickly, ensuring that therapy proceeds at a pace that feels safe and manageable.
The Perfectionist
The Perfectionist part is focused on doing therapy “right.” It might say, “What if I’m not making progress fast enough?” or “What if I fail at this?” This part tends to hold high standards and fears failure or criticism. It’s often trying to protect you from the pain of rejection or disapproval.
While this part can sometimes cause stress, its desire to excel can also drive you toward personal growth—when balanced with self-compassion.
The Enthusiast
Finally, there’s the Enthusiast. This part might be raring to go, impatient to ‘fix’ everything and start the healing process immediately. While this energy can be helpful, the Enthusiast can sometimes get frustrated with the other gatekeepers, viewing them as obstacles.
The key is to help the Enthusiast understand that these gatekeeping parts are not barriers—they’re here to protect you, and their concerns must be heard and addressed.
Working with Gatekeepers
In IFS therapy, the first step in working with gatekeepers is to acknowledge and appreciate their protective roles. They’re not obstacles to overcome; they are here to shield you from potential hurt. Here’s how to begin building a relationship with your gatekeepers:
Approach with Curiosity and Compassion: Instead of pushing these parts away, try asking them why they’re there. What are they protecting you from? What are their concerns?
Validate Their Fears: Understand that these parts are genuinely trying to help. Acknowledge their concerns with empathy and compassion.
Reassure Them: Explain that therapy is a safe space. Let them know that everything will proceed at a pace that feels safe, and their input is valued.
Take Small Steps: Don’t rush the process. By going slowly and checking in with these parts regularly, you build trust and make them feel heard.
As you begin to get to know these gatekeeper parts, you may start noticing shifts. The Cynic might soften, the Fearful part might become a little braver, and the Thinker might be able to relax. When we respect the pace of these parts and build trusting relationships with them, the whole process of therapy becomes smoother and more impactful. IFS therapy isn’t about rushing through to an ‘end goal’—it’s about taking your time, and allowing each part to feel heard and respected. Often, it's the slowest path that leads to the deepest healing.
If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore your own gatekeepers further, IFS therapy can provide a gentle, compassionate space to do so. Get in touch to learn more or book a session.
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