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Understanding the Role of Gatekeepers in Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)

  • Writer: Sophie Marsh
    Sophie Marsh
  • Sep 23, 2024
  • 4 min read

Updated: Jun 9

So, you’ve heard about Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and you’re thinking about giving it a go, or maybe you've already begun. That’s great! Some parts of you might be feeling excited or hopeful, eager to get started. But there may be other parts who are feeling unsure, hesitant, sceptical, or maybe even fearful. I’ll refer to these concerned parts as ‘gatekeepers’, but you can call them whatever feels right to you. Today, we’re going to explore these gatekeepers, why they exist, and how you can start working with them to build trust within your system.


Meet the Gatekeepers


The Cynic

Woman with hands on hips looking cynical, to represent the cynic part

A common gatekeeper is the Cynic. This part of you might roll its eyes at the idea of therapy, thinking things like: “Therapists are paid to listen. They don't really care,” or “This sounds like a load of rubbish!” The Cynic isn’t there to sabotage you, it may be there to try to protect you from disappointment, perhaps by keeping your expectations low, and avoiding getting your hopes up and being let down. Or perhaps it has its own reasons to feel untrusting of therapy or certain modalities.


This part asks important questions. It challenges you to gather evidence and ensures you're making safe and informed decisions. This can be incredibly helpful when approached with curiosity rather than frustration.



The Thinker

A man looking at various graphs and data, representing a thinking part

The Thinker part loves to analyse. This part might say, “How does this process even work?” or “I need to understand everything before I can move forward.” The Thinker may want to protect you from uncertainty by keeping everything logical and structured. It might be using reasoning and analysis to avoid diving into emotions that may feel overwhelming or unfamiliar. It may also just be a part who simply likes to understand things on a logical level.


While the Thinker can sometimes be seeking to avoid emotions, it may also be helping to ensure you fully understand the process and feel safe before moving ahead.


The Self-Conscious

A woman hiding behind her hand to represent a part that feels self conscious

The Self-Conscious part worries about what others (including your therapist) might think. It might wonder, “What if I sound ridiculous?” or “What if they judge me for sharing this?” Therapy, especially one as introspective as IFS, can feel very vulnerable. The Self-Conscious part may be trying to protect you from the sting of rejection or embarrassment.


This part is usually trying to ensure that you're accepted and understood, and it can be a great ally when it comes to building trust in the therapeutic relationship, as it is often the one who will check to make sure that your therapist truly is non-judgemental!


The Fearful

A woman looking very scared, to represent the fearful part

Then there’s the Fearful part. This part might worry, “What if therapy opens up painful memories I’m not ready to face?” It’s understandably cautious, guarding you against potential emotional overwhelm. This part may fear that by delving too deep, you’ll uncover something too painful to handle.


The Fearful part is vital in protecting you from rushing into intense emotions too quickly, ensuring that therapy goes at a pace that feels safe and manageable for you.


The Perfectionist

A man pointing at the word perfect, surrounded by other words like OK, average, good etc. to represent a perfectionist part

The Perfectionist part can be one who focuses on doing therapy “right.” It might say, “What if I’m not making progress fast enough?” or “What if I fail at this?” This part often holds very high standards and fears failure or criticism. It could be trying to protect you from the pain of rejection or disapproval.


While this part can cause stress, its desire to excel can also drive you toward personal growth, when balanced with self-compassion.


The Enthusiast

Three people at the starting line of a track, to represent a part that is eager to get going

Finally, there’s the Enthusiast. This part might be raring to go, impatient to ‘fix’ everything and start the healing process immediately. While this energy can be helpful, the Enthusiast can sometimes get frustrated with the other gatekeepers, viewing them as obstacles.


The key to help the Enthusiast is appreciating its positive intentions, while helping it to understand that other gatekeeping parts are not barriers, they’re here to help, and their concerns need to be heard and addressed first.



Working with Gatekeepers


In IFS therapy, the first step in working with all these parts is to get to know them and why they do what they do, so that you can acknowledge and appreciate their protective roles. Here’s how you may begin building a relationship with your gatekeepers:


  1. Approach Them with Curiosity: Instead of pushing these parts away, try asking them why they’re there. What are they protecting you from? What are they worried might happen if they didn't do their job?

  2. Validate Their Fears: Understand that these parts are genuinely trying to help you. Acknowledge their concerns with compassion.

  3. Reassure Them: Explain that you will do all you can to ensure safety. Let them know that their input is valued, and you won't do anything without their permission.

  4. See What They Need: Find out if there is anything they need from you, or your therapist, to help them feel safer.

  5. Take Small Steps: Don’t rush the process. By going slowly and checking in with these parts regularly, you will build trust and help them to feel heard.


As you begin to get to know these gatekeeper parts, you may start noticing shifts. The Cynic might soften, the Fearful part might become a little braver, and the Thinker might be able to relax. When we respect the pace of these parts and build trusting relationships with them, the whole process of therapy becomes smoother. IFS therapy isn’t about rushing through to an ‘end goal’, it’s about taking your time, and allowing each part to feel heard and respected. In IFS we say 'whatever is IN the way, IS the way'. Often, it's the slowest path that leads to the deepest healing.


If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore your own gatekeepers further, IFS therapy can provide a gentle, compassionate space to do so. Get in touch to learn more or book a session.

 
 
 

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