Letting Go of Perfectionism

This morning I lit a candle, opened my journal, and wrote. I started writing about my plans for the day, and realised I needed to write a new blog. Very quickly I felt two things happen inside:

1.      A pressure to ‘get it right’ and write something ‘good’

2.      Wanting to avoid/put off writing altogether

So… instead of trying to push through the avoidance and write ‘Something Good’, I got curious about those parts. That first voice wanted to remind me about the importance of marketing, and SEO, and appearing professional, and fitting in with what’s expected of me, and being ‘successful’. Even now I can feel the constriction, the sense of squeezing myself into a box, and the stress and worry of getting it wrong.

I realised that the second voice came in to try to avoid all of that stress and pressure. It would be easy to label it as procrastination, but I discovered it’s a part that’s trying to protect me from feeling overwhelmed by the demands and pressure of perfectionism.

When I met these parts with curiosity and kindness, there was room for another voice inside. It was calmer. More open. It felt more like me. It said ‘Yes, those things can absolutely be important. But what about enjoyment? What about ease? What about authenticity and connection and creativity?’

The first voice thought those things sounded frivolous, and privileged. Excuses for not wanting to work hard and toe the line. This part really wanted to be good. To be seen as good. And yet the pressure of trying so hard to be good felt awful.

So, I came back to my values. Reminded myself that we are collections of atoms on a spinning rock in space and we’re here so briefly, and it becomes kind of funny to me to be worrying about the tone in which I write a blog.

I don’t say that to mock the part of me that does worry. It makes so much sense. I was brought up in a culture and society that places huge value in productivity, and success, and fitting in. The risk of being seen to go against that (even in small ways!) can feel understandably huge to the parts that took in those messages.

I want my writing to be helpful, of course. But if I'm honest, I don’t want to be the ‘expert’ who writes a neat and tidy blog titled ’10 easy steps to letting go of perfectionism’ because I don't think that’s how lasting change works.

Don't get me wrong, I like reading those kind of blogs, and I think they have their place and can offer useful ideas. But personally, I'd like to offer something softer. A Pause. A mirror that invites you to reflect without expectation or pressure. Opportunities for you to read something that invites you to turn inwards, back towards yourself. Permission to get curious. To be kinder. To just be. That’s what I want for all of us. So if you recognise yourself here, if you also find yourself trying to fit in, but somehow losing yourself in the process- here are some invitations to reflect.

Journal Prompts for Letting Go of Perfectionism

• What would I do if I knew I wouldn’t be judged?

• How would I show up in the world, if I knew I’d be accepted?

• Where am I squeezing myself into a box I don’t actually belong in?

• Where did I learn that I had to be/act/seem a certain way?

• When do I feel most authentically myself?

• What ‘rule’ would I most like to break?

• How would it feel if I could let some of this go, even just 1%?